


Ashes Of The Fallen

by Gio_hannigram



Category: Grenny
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Ghosts, Grigg - Freeform, Hurt/Comfort, I swear this is going to have a happy ending, I´m so sorry, Lenny - Freeform, M/M, MCD, One of them is a ghost so obviously, Reincarnation
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-10-28
Updated: 2017-09-28
Packaged: 2018-08-27 15:04:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,516
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8406301
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Gio_hannigram/pseuds/Gio_hannigram
Summary: After an unfortunate accident Lenny & Grigg must find the way back to each other.In their journey to pull one of them back from the other side they may find out more about fate, death and love than they signed up for.





	1. Our Agony

**Author's Note:**

> As the tags show this is going to be multi-chapter, just wanted to leave that clear.
> 
> Big thanks to my Nigel who edited this & for the support.
> 
> Sis thank you for all your support.

Lenny could barely remember the accident. He remembered the pain and he remembered the frustration and desperation running through him, wanting to find Grigg and put him in a safe place.

 

He remembered opening his eyes, the whiteness of the snow all he could see, and then a strong ache urging him to move as he recalled why he was lying in the snow. A flash of the sudden movement of the car as they skidded through the snow made him stand up and run to their car only to see it broken, the windshield smashed into blood smeared pieces. He remembered the shock and panic he felt when he saw Grigg´s body lying in the street, bloody, with no movement, no breathing and pale as the snow around him. He recalled pulling at Grigg´s coat with as much force as he could, but it seemed he was too weak from the accident as he failed to move him at all, falling at his side. It was a moment before he stood again and, driven by desperation, pulled taking him to a safe part of the road. He remembered holding his hand and feeling no pulse, he remembered trying to bring Grigg back to life. Lenny remembered shaking Grigg´s body and trying again to make him breathe as Lenny whispered at him.

_Stay with me, please. Don´t go! Don´t let me behind!_

 Lenny only stopped when Grigg´s chest moved again, slowly, but own their own.

 Lenny remembered taking Grigg´s phone with shaky hands and, trying to keep his voice as clear as he could despite the panic in it, calling an ambulance giving them as many details of their surroundings as he could. When the call ended he dialed Kitjo; he remembered that Kitjo seemed not to understand him. He hung up and sent him a message instead telling him what had happened, since he was waiting for them and might be able to reach them sooner. Then he tossed the phone aside and took one of Grigg´s hands, lacing their fingers together, then he pressed his lips on Grigg´s and, giving into the tiredness, he let the darkness take him.

 Lenny woke up as Grigg was pulled into the ambulance, he tried to be silent as they gave electric shocks to Grigg, trying to keep him there. Panic filled his body as he fought his frustration at not being able to do anything to help.

 He walked alongside the gurney as they took Grigg to surgery. When Grigg came around, Lenny saw the panic in Grigg´s eyes as he realized where he was, and his eyes took comfort as they laid in Lenny, who gave him a little tremulous smile to what Grigg answered nodding as much as he could with the oxygen mask on. 

Lenny was worried through it all, that was pretty much all he could remember. The anguish for Grigg made his chest ache. 

Everything else was dulled away.

 

Maybe he should have wondered _why._

 

Lenny got out his chair as Grigg called for him from his bed. At some point Grigg had been taken to the intensive care unit. Lenny had thought that maybe Grigg was still asleep and so he had not heard Lenny answer, but as he got closer he realized that Grigg was awake and he was staring around the room.

“Lenny!” Grigg called once more and Lenny felt a shiver run down his spine; taking an unsure step forward he stood next the bed looking at Grigg but he seemed lost. His gaze passed Lenny without looking at him, as though he was seeing through him.

Everything made sense then, and even more after Kitjo entered the room. It wouldn´t have made sense for him to be there without speaking to Lenny at all if he knew that Lenny was there.

As Lenny remembered things from the accident, he made sense of the blank spots, of how nobody had spoken to him, how nobody had asked if he needed help. And he himself had not asked, he had not cared, he had not even thought of his wounds, and most importantly he had not felt them to the point of forgetting that he had been hurt in the accident as well.

Lenny´s stomach twisted then, his body felt heavy and nausea made his head pound.

Suddenly he could only feel cold freezing his skin. He stood over his own body, his limbs were twisted and it was revolting to see. The snow was dirtying with his blood, his eyes were open, empty.

It made sense; his body was far away from where the car had been, he noticed absently.

A loud whine brought him back to Grigg, and he saw what he had been dreading the moment realization hit him. Grigg´s eyes were filled with tears that rolled non-stop down his cheeks. Grigg clenched his gown at his chest and shook his head furiously, sobbing and letting out breathless yells. Lenny tried to reach for him, but his touches were lost on Grigg; Lenny called to him over and over again but Grigg did not answer him.

He stood next to Grigg through the denial, the yelling, the mourning, staying with him, unable to let go for even the shortest of moments fearing he would lose the ability to be at his side, fearing he would lose consciousness and wake up away from Grigg.

Where else was he supposed to be anyway if not at his beloved´s side?

“Stay with me, don´t let go.” Grigg whispered, after a couple of days where he had been in a sorrowful silence. “I know you are here.” Lenny glanced up from his chair, his numbness evaporating as hope rose even when he knew Grigg could not see him, he had tried every night and every day for the past week to make Grigg acknowledge him. “Someone sent a message from my phone to Kitjo and called the ambulance. They said I did it but can´t remember. I remember hearing your voice asking me not to go. I remember the touch of your hand on mine...it was the only warm I could feel as I lay on the cold snow.” Lenny was crying; he didn´t know what to do or how he could show Grigg he was right and Lenny was _here._ “I saw you **_Lenny,_ ** ” Grigg said between sobs. “I saw you when they brought me here, _I know you are here_ , I don´t care what they say I know I _saw_ you.” Grigg broke and whined between gasps; he seemed to hiccup every once in a while and the sight was destroying Lenny. “Have I lost my mind? Why can´t I hear you now? Are you with me now? Then why can´t I _feel_ you?”

Lenny was dragged down to his knees next to Grigg´s bed with the heavy weight of the agony running through him, consuming him. He was falling apart alongside his beloved. They were so close and yet it seemed as if they were far away from one another.

All he wanted was to stop Grigg´s pain. He wanted to be able to hold him close and tell him that everything was going to be alright. But how could he give him a sign and demonstrate that he was there?

  
  



	2. Give me a sign

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Grigg sat back in front of the urn trying to bring himself to reach for it once more and accept that Lenny was gone.
> 
> He was losing himself, he needed to let go.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm pretty sure this might not be a good idea but I want to {in a very slow way} finish this.
> 
> Thanks to my Nigel for beta' this.

Grigg walked into his house feeling hopeless.

  
For weeks the idea of Lenny still somewhere close to him kept him strong, shielded from sinking into grief and despair but holding the urn containing Lenny's ashes took the hope he had away.   
After the first week in the hospital, the warmth enveloping his hand became an anchor, kept him away from the darkness consuming him.   
Grigg knew that warmth, he felt it many times, and he felt it the last time he saw Lenny.   
He held onto it for dear life, every instinct telling him not to give into his rational thoughts which were trying to tell him that he was insane to think even for a second of the possibility of Lenny still being there when everyone had told him that Lenny was gone. That the only parts of him left were inside the tiny box between Grigg's hands.

There had to be something else, something that could explain why the warmth could only be felt in one part of his body, a light hot shape formed only around his hand, and how was it possible that the memory of seeing Lenny walking alongside his stretcher was so vivid, so painfully real.  
How could nobody explain how he had called the ambulance or why he couldn't remember doing so and the hospital or police couldn't find the recording of the call?   
  
Every rational part of him fought to try to tell him that somehow there had to be a normal, perfectly reasonable explanation but he couldn't believe it.   
Not when doing so meant to accept the loss of Lenny, not when it meant he had to let go.   
  
He couldn't.   
  
He sat in the living room of their flat looking at the little table. He used to complain almost every day about having to clear Lenny’s DVDs and magazines off it; today it was empty but for an urn. Sighing, Grigg stared at cardboard "temporary urn" in front of him; an inexpensive container provided by the crematory. He was told to simply take the plastic bag out of the temporary urn and place it inside the permanent urn. To think he still had to buy a permanent one. He and Lenny had talked, well, more like joked about companion urns and commingled ashes twice, both while watching couples be murdered in a movie.  

At the memory, Grigg chuckled, the concept of actually needing to decide which urn and if they truly cared for their ashes to be commingled was so far away at the time.  
  
That couldn't be all, all the time they lived together, all their plans, all their future, all their hopes, and dreams…

All their love couldn't be inside that tiny box.  
  
Grigg couldn't tell at which point he started crying, to be honest he couldn't even tell if he truly had stopped doing so in the past weeks and when he thought that either he was making himself insane by holding onto the idea that somehow Lenny was beside him based purely on a warm sensation on his skin that could easily be explained as being created by his mind as defence or coping mode. The love of his life had vanished from existence and all that was left were his memories and ashes inside a bag in a box, yeah there was not really a reasonable reason for him to even try to stop crying.   
  
Grigg had barely kept himself from being locked into the mental wing of the hospital.   
He had realized very early on that trying to tell anyone about it wouldn't help.   
“After effects of a traumatic loss.” That's all they said.   
He stopped trying to tell Kitjo too, it was only hurting him and making Kitjo try to “make him come to his senses,” sometimes quite harshly.   
  
No, Grigg waited until there was nobody around to talk, to beg for a sign, for anything other than the sensation on his skin to keep his hope alive but nothing happened.   
  
Blinking away tears, Grigg tried not to look around, forcing his sight onto the urn in front of him, he didn’t want to look around at what once was his warm, cosy home, only to find a cold, silent and empty space.   
  
“Please, Lenny,” He finally spoke, his whispering echoing, his voice sounding broken and unfamiliar, his face drifting towards the ceiling. “if you are here, please, there must be a way, I can't...I can't keep doing this...I can't just...Please.” Grigg prayed and then left his head to fall between his hands, fingers painfully tightening around his hair in desperation. He needed one, just one thing to make the sickening feeling of emptiness trying to consume him stop.   
  
Hours passed and it took him a while to realize how cold his body felt, to realize that the warmth on his hand had disappeared, taking with it his last hope. Two days passed by and the only sounds that filled the apartment were Grigg´s sobs, ignoring the calls and loud banging on his door.   
  
After a few hours of exhausted sleep, Grigg walked with shaky legs to the bathroom and threw cold water on his face. He stared at himself in the mirror without recognising the person in front of him as dark circles under his eyes greeted him in contrast to his pale, too pale to be healthy, skin, and noticed the tension running through his shoulders despite his slumped position, and a deeply tired sigh escaped him as he took the constant movement of his fingers into consideration.   
  
Shaky fingers made their way through his hair once again as he stepped out of the bathroom; closing the door he swallowed and decided to face the truth.   
Grigg sat back in front of the urn trying to bring himself to reach for it once more and accept that Lenny was gone.   
  
He was losing himself, he needed to let go.   
  
A familiar sound stopped him mid-thought and made his blood run cold, heart beat intensifying.   
From the bathroom water running could be heard, “It can’t be...” Grigg choked out, closing his eyes, gripping the edge of the couch with force, then there it was, something only he and Lenny knew the meaning of, the sound of fingers drawing on glass. Running to the bathroom Grigg's hopes shot up, he knew that sound, he heard and answered “I love you too” each single time Lenny took a shower. Once in front of the door, he took a deep breath and with his trembling hands opened it.   
There it was, the only proof he needed to know he wasn't insane, he had not been dreaming.   
  
In front of him on the fogged mirror, a heart with his and Lenny’s initials made tears of happiness roll down his cheeks for the first time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So long ago, I´m sure nobody remembers the first part but there you go.


	3. So Cold.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Weird things are happening around Kitjo.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Short chapter. 
> 
> Beta thanks to the always awesome Nigel!

Kitjo shivered, his breath quickened, he threaded a hand through his hair and squeezed his eyes shut as the handle of the door in front of him twisted to get it open and then closed with an echo of footsteps behind.

He was alone.

Kitjo would have felt embarrassed for being covered from head to toes with a big blanket but he was beyond scared.

_Why?_

Because he had got home after a long day’s work in a place that reminded him that one of his best friends died not long ago, and just when he blissfully started to drift off into a comfortable sleep Kitjo heard his name being whispered... he lived alone.

 

And oh, how much he wished that was all. He knew that most people heard what many term “the voice that calls” meaning: hearing one’s name being called out by someone they know, a person who they are aware is nowhere near.  
It gave him goosebumps but he acted as if it didn’t happen because if he stopped to think about it, he wouldn’t be able to sleep at night ever again. He acknowledged that kind of thing happened to everyone and it’s fairly common. But Kitjo had been avoiding drinking and then giving in and drinking himself to sleep because sometimes he wanted to be sober and be able to make himself understand that it was all in his mind and sometimes he understood that some of the things he saw, heard and felt were actually happening and he would rather drink himself into oblivion than keep trying to figure out where the noises came from.

Kitjo wrapped his arms around himself, trying to moderate his breathing. His brows drew together when he tried to recall if he had closed the window or why he was feeling so hot so suddenly. He had his eyes closed and cursed himself for leaving all the lights on; before they had seemed to aid him in keeping calm because he could see clearly around his flat and confirm that there was nobody there. Now he was scared to move his head and see a shadow from the corner of his eye, look again to focus, see nothing and then when he were to look back, bam! the evil - whatever it was that was haunting him - was going to be there. Couldn’t lie in the darkness of the room and pretend that what was in the corner of his eye was a forgotten jacket catching the light. Damn lights!

He drew in a long breath, he was grown man, a grown man that was losing his mind but a grown man nonetheless, he had to get his crap together and open his damn eyes.  
  
1...2...3…  
  
Kitjo gritted his teeth; his eyes were not cooperating, the bastards.  
  
He pressed his lips together, not knowing if this was better than the first time the noises started and he had been drunk and tried to fight whatever was haunting him. If the flashes of memories he had were correct, he was so drunk that he had been literally punching the air at some point.

He couldn’t tell if the fact that he had hid under a blanket and kept his eyes tightly shut as if the _whatever_ that was haunting him, he wouldn’t say _ghost_ damn it, as if the thing would look at the blanket covering him and go “Oh he has a blanket on! I can’t do shit to him! Nevermind I’ll come back later, perhaps another time,” was better than picking a fight with it.  
  
Probably both were equal in the level of shame they made him feel.  
  
A muscle in his jaw twitched when a soft knock on his window interrupted his frenetic thoughts and echoed in the flat.  
  
His body shook, he blanched and held his breath, he lived on the fourth floor.  
  
Suddenly his blood seemed to be boiling, he clenched his fists, his head felt heavy and his breaths quickened.  
  
_Enough!_  
  
He jumped to his feet, puffed out his chest, opened his eyes and lifted his chin in the window’s direction.

There was nothing there.  
  
Only darkness and the dull reflection of the nearest lamp greeted him.  
  
He shook his head, and sighed.  
  
Kitjo shoved his hair back away from his face then rubbed his chin.  
  
He needed a drink or two.  
  
Already on his way to the kitchen his shoulders had barely lost some of the tension when a jolt of surprise and fear attacked him as another knock was heard, harder.  
  
Looking around he straightened, gasped, and recognition dawned on his face: the bathroom.  
  
The damn mirror in the bathroom.  
  
It was knocking from the mirror.  
  
He leaned against the wall next to the bathroom and listened not knowing what to do.  
  
“Kitjo!” He shut his eyes and covered his ears with his hands.

It took a heavy hammering on the door for him to get that it was Grigg who was calling him. He rushed to the door eager to see another human, another real person’s face.  
  
“Hey! Sorry to interrupt but ...Are you alright?” Grigg asked once he took on the way Kitjo’s body was shaking, how wide his eyes were, his messy hair and clothes. “Wait, is there someone else here?”  
  
“Yes! No!...Maybe?” Kitjo rose his voice rose and threw his hands in the air as he walked into his living room letting himself fall onto the couch.  
  
Grigg’s eyes narrowed, he pursed his lips and crossed his arms over his chest in front of him.

“Did you have a drink?”  
  
“No, I haven’t, wish I had.” Kitjo looked away from Grigg. How was it possible that Grigg looked more composed than him when he was in the middle of grieving Lenny?  
  
“Okay, what’s wrong then?”

Kitjo huffed and covered his eyes with his hand.  
  
“What isn’t? Grigg.”  
  
“What is it?” Grigg insisted.  
  
Kitjo massaged the back of his neck, cringed and finally said “I think something is haunting me.”  
  
He glanced up to the ceiling expecting an incredulous question to come up but it never did.  
  
“That’s what I came to talk about with you.”  Grigg swayed on his feet, hope in his eyes.

Kitjo snorted, mostly to himself, who had he said that to? Grigg, who had been claiming that Lenny was still around. God he was an idiot.  
  
Grigg tilted his head. “At least hear what I have to say.” His expression hardened.  
  
Kitjo glanced up to Grigg and was about to answer when his jaw dropped; the color drained out of his face as a loud knock was heard from the bathroom.  
  
“Oh,” awe transformed Grigg’s face, “That must be Lenny!” he beamed, dashing to the bathroom.  
  
Kitjo took in a sharp breath.  
  
“Fuck.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you are still reading, please give a sign!

**Author's Note:**

> Through this you may see a few references even like the titles to Breaking Benjamin. That is because the idea for this got to me after watching their video "Give me a sign." & their song "Ashes of Eden"
> 
> As always, kudos, comments, critics, death threats...okay that last one no, but the others are welcomed.
> 
> I know, I know a multi-chapter of a ship almost nobody knows, should have been Spacedogs, but this is just perfect for them.
> 
> I hope you like it even a little.


End file.
